Tag Archives: The Plague

I’m a truck driver. Anyone who reads this should know that by now. If you don’t, then…I’m a truck driver. There now you know. So I’m at the main terminal for my once every 3 months visit, which is a long and arduously exasperating experience of safety workshops and log book reviews and whatever the administrative equivalent of rape is.

Apparently for putting a truck in a ditch a month ago, I was forced to perform like a circus monkey, driving around suburban Dallas proving I can make left and right turns in a truck. In addition to that, watching videos and listening to CDs of 10 year old lectures, I was “randomly” selected for a drug test. Yeah…”random”…right. Anyway, I did that this morning and they gave me a paper to get signed by about 50 thousand people, or just 2, but it was still very inconvenient. When I went to return the paper, the girl at the window went back to talk with someone and came back and said “You have to come back tomorrow.”

What does that mean? As if to try to reassure me she adds:

“Don’t worry. They’ll be nice.”

I’m sure what they detected was the plague I’ve been infected with for the past few days. I’m expecting them to sit me down tomorrow and be like:

“Yeah, we screened you for Dying, and it came back positive.”

That has to be it. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink. I did have some DayQuill yesterday. Maybe it was that. I realize that they also screen for blood sugar. Taking in the fact that yesterday I had like 4 Pepsis, candy and some Chinese food at the end of the day.

And an ice cream bar.

And today I had like 3 Pepsis.

And an ice cream bar.

And Chinese food for breakfast.

I think tomorrow I should have Raisin Bran Crunch and a banana for breakfast. It’s my usual breakfast, but the idea of having Chinese food for breakfast for the first time in months was so tantalizing, it was unavoidable.

I’ve been moderately sick for about a week now, and pretty fucking sick for the past day. My nose has been alternating between resembling that of the Hoover Dam, to resembling the Nile River. I’m also pretty sure there’s a frog living in my throat, or a rat…now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure it’s a rat because only a rat would make it so damn dry, and proceed to try to claw it’s way up and out.  Between sniffling and coughing and for some reason an odd amount of tears that are pouring out with no emotional attachment to them, what was worse was the damn hives I started getting yesterday. Now I’ve had hives before, and I know well enough not to scratch them or they just spread like a forest fire. So after the first 5 or 6 bumps started popping up, I had to repeat to myself “Don’t scratch, Don’t scratch, Don’t scratch!” Then for some reason it was like my body decided to reject the tattoos it’s had for years. My tattoos on both arms started swelling up as huge hives and it was fucking painful as all hell. But, alas the swelling has gone down, but I think my brain is lacking oxygen. So in preparation for my impending death, or Día de los Muertos, whichever comes first, I made a mask.