Category Archives: Hardly Working

So I now have a job…apparently I’m not even supposed to mention what this job is so I’ll just say I work as customer support for a cell phone company. Yay! Complain to me about your bills bitches! It’s so weird to have a 40 hour a week , 8 hours a day office job again. I guess coming from driving a truck, 8 hours of work doesn’t even seem like much, and we take a break every 2 hours. It almost seems…lazy. My trainer is kinda awesome. There are really two, but only one talks. To explain her…she’s from Guam…she has a wife and a son. Her personal heroes are Gordon Ramsey and Judge Judy.  A naked chick on a dragon was the first thing that popped into her mind when talking about offensive tattoos. Total…win. We got a security talk today. They ran us through the whole procedure of emergency situations and the such and during the discussion about shut-in emergencies, like weather…airborn terrorist attacks etc etc, we were warned that while we are not prisoner and allowed to leave in these situations, in the event of a zombie apocalypse, if we leave the building, we are not allowed back in. Win. Read More →

So today is the 1 month point of me being off my truck.  I have been going a little insane but I’ve been being pretty productive. I got a job but that doesn’t start for another 2 weeks so instead I’ve been looking up random decoration ideas…from food to cards to random crap in general. Today and the last couple days I’ve been like Martha fucking Stewart and shit. So..here’s a few things I did…

Slices of Jello Shots… (Stolen from here)

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So, here I am trying to burn a disc and I’m pretty sure my cd-burner is either a douche bag…or racist. I can’t figure out which. Maybe it’s jealous because everything else on the truck has a name, and it doesn’t? Maybe because it’s confused of it’s purpose. Maybe it’s because I rarely burn discs and it’s like ‘well you never pay any attention to me, why the hell should I help you?’

I’m trying to burn Glee CD’s…no I’m not burning them to sell or anything, though I always think it would be hilarious to go truck to truck seeing who would like to partake in the awesomeness that is Glee with me. You see I have this problem where I never remember to stop my iPod when I park, and I never remember to charge it, so really I need to make CDs in the event that I find myself driving down the road with nothing but the 20 songs that’s on satellite radio playing over and over again. Read More →

So, I found this wonderfully awesome cupcake maker at Target. Now, I have been contemplating buying a cupcake maker since I first saw one about 6 months ago or so at a Big Lots. Now, the one I saw was a more sedate version and sure, who wouldn’t want a cupcake maker when you’re not allowed access to a full-ranged oven? So it was put on my list of things to buy for the truck whenever I had a few extra dollars.

Fast forward to December where I’m back in Washington shopping for Christmas presents with my sister at Target. We’re wandering down the toy aisle and low and behold, on the clearance rack I see none other than everyone’s favorite feline adorning the cover no less than the most awesome cupcake maker on the planet of the Earth. Now…I would think that the only thing greater than biting off bits of Hello Kitty’s face, would be a Cylon cupcake maker. If they make those, then I need to find one to go on my list of shit I want but will never have because it’s too expensive, much like the Cylon toaster.

So, I tried out my new non-furry furry-friend cupcake maker, and while I did have to make a few adjustments to recipes (aka more water), it’s friggin awesome. I do have to keep reminding myself that I need to leave a little room for rising or else the cupcakes end up suuuuuper dense. But now I can have awesomeness anywhere I drive, because this cupcake maker is just pure awesomeness.

I’m a truck driver. Anyone who reads this should know that by now. If you don’t, then…I’m a truck driver. There now you know. So I’m at the main terminal for my once every 3 months visit, which is a long and arduously exasperating experience of safety workshops and log book reviews and whatever the administrative equivalent of rape is.

Apparently for putting a truck in a ditch a month ago, I was forced to perform like a circus monkey, driving around suburban Dallas proving I can make left and right turns in a truck. In addition to that, watching videos and listening to CDs of 10 year old lectures, I was “randomly” selected for a drug test. Yeah…”random”…right. Anyway, I did that this morning and they gave me a paper to get signed by about 50 thousand people, or just 2, but it was still very inconvenient. When I went to return the paper, the girl at the window went back to talk with someone and came back and said “You have to come back tomorrow.”

What does that mean? As if to try to reassure me she adds:

“Don’t worry. They’ll be nice.”

I’m sure what they detected was the plague I’ve been infected with for the past few days. I’m expecting them to sit me down tomorrow and be like:

“Yeah, we screened you for Dying, and it came back positive.”

That has to be it. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink. I did have some DayQuill yesterday. Maybe it was that. I realize that they also screen for blood sugar. Taking in the fact that yesterday I had like 4 Pepsis, candy and some Chinese food at the end of the day.

And an ice cream bar.

And today I had like 3 Pepsis.

And an ice cream bar.

And Chinese food for breakfast.

I think tomorrow I should have Raisin Bran Crunch and a banana for breakfast. It’s my usual breakfast, but the idea of having Chinese food for breakfast for the first time in months was so tantalizing, it was unavoidable.