Nov1

Admit it, even gay people are assholes too

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Admit it, even gay people are assholes too

I’ve been up for 20 minutes so far today and my brain is in a weird place. I sat down and was going to choose a Glee video to post on Facebook. Then in the related videos I saw a Buffy video, which then led me in this weird spiral of videos that only youtube has the power to do. This led me to watching a few videos with Willow and Tara. I decided to post a blog about gay people. Yes I know I know some of you will think “We already know you’re a flaming homosexual.” and I’m like, well no shit Sherlock. That’s not what this is about. It’s also not about some political agenda that has anything to do with the coming elections. Well it does but only in a very far off related point. Granted I’ve not opposed to all the strives and measures that people have been making in the department and yes I would like everyone to have equal rights, but how can there be equality when there isn’t an equal amount of exposure.  And what do I mean by that?

Gay people are assholes too.

Explanation! There’s this new show on, The New Normal, made by the fabulous Ryan Murphy. It’s about a gay couple having a surrogate mother for their baby. It’s a pretty funny show but I think all the fun and humor comes from Nene Leakes and the damn racist grandmother and not so much anything else. This is the type of gay relationship portrayal I hate with a passion. They portray a gay couple adhering to obvious gay stereotypes of shopaholics and flamboyant obsessions with dinner parties and clothes, with no conflict worth mentioning. Any sort of conflict between the two is resolved 10 seconds later with a sad puppy dog face and a G-rated kiss. This is just so, typical of where Hollywood is with gay couples in movies and shows. There’s always some quirky gay couple or character who happens to be the best friend of the main character to save the day with added whit and humor. This is just one of the two portrayals of gay and lesbian plot lines that irritate me.

Glee veered off in the other direction that is the other plot course that irritates me. The ever so present over-dramatic over-produced crying game times a million storyline. The, we’re going to make so and so gay and then have to show the bullying and self-awareness and declaration. Blah blah blah. Ok I get it, gay people have hard lives sometimes. I got bullied in high school for being gay. That doesn’t mean I want to vicariously live it over again through my favorite TV show. Yes I understand it’s about awareness and trying to show the true stories of how “It gets Better” and all that shit, but I don’t need my TV to be a podium for gay rights. Sometimes I just want to sit down and watch TV.  So we had to sit through 2 seasons of Kurt being bullied and then a third season of Santana coming out and dealing with it and Kurt’s bully trying to kill himself. Look, I love Glee, and frankly Santana and Brittany arehot, but their story lines suck and when they became an official couple, it was like their chemistry went straight out the window. Santana, notorious for being a smart-assed sharp-whitted sassy bitch, turned into a sappy crying mess that proclaimed her deep dying devotion every other episode. Every single interaction between them is a “moment” that requires a song or a close up or an explanation. In seasons 1 & 2 you see them always in the background touching each other, having fun with each other, season 3 and 4, it’s like someone’s sitting in the director’s chair screaming “Now close up as they hold hands!” Then they broke them up after no real conflict in their relationship. Just, oh this is hard, let’s not do this anymore, but I’ll still love you. BULLSHIT.

Now I appreciate that 20 years ago, this shit wouldn’t even be on TV, and we’ve made tremendous strides as a civilization to actually have this aired.  But 10 years ago, I think Joss Whedon hit the nail on the head with the type of gay relationship I would prefer to see on TV. Willow and Tara had fucking awesome chemistry together. From the moment they met, it was amazesauce. And the best fucking thing about it? Most of the courting was done off-screen. They would be practicing spells together, and there’d be a touch that lingered too long, or a glance that was too friendly, and it became a “dude they’re totally a couple” realization that wasn’t fully mentioned. Until Oz comes back, in what is my favorite episode of Buffy ever, when Willow officially comes out. But the best part about the coming out scene? WILLOW NEVER SAYS IT. She never actually says “I’m gay.” but instead says that Oz’s return to Sunnydale is “complicated because of Tara” and Buffy’s reaction is fucking amazing. I love that look of confusion then discomfort in Buffy’s eyes as she stumbles over what to say. Then how Oz finds out because Tara is wearing Willow’s sweater, genius. I loved the subtle progression of it and the sadness of Tara’s role in that episode. I am forever grateful for the relationship that evolved around the simplest exchange of dialogue.

Tara: “You mean…?”

Willow: “I mean.”

I fucking love that Willow and Tara went together so well, and had major arguments. Willow was a fucking asshole who lied and became obsessed with magic and tried to cover it up by erasing Tara’s memories. They broke-up and it took a long time for them to come back together. Then Tara dies and Willow tries to destroy the world in her grief.

I long for the days when gay people aren’t seen as gay.  I want to be the status quo. I want that gay couple on tv to just be another couple, and not the loveable best friend or sitcom cashcow. There are only two labels in my life that I care to judge people by. Asshole or Non-asshole.

And this is where my asshole friend Ryan will say “None of it’s not real life.”

And now for your musical interlude

 

 

Oct23

The 5-Month Engagement

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The 5-Month Engagement

I just thought that was a witty title, considering that I’ve not blogged for five months. I have a confession. I was forced to watch the Five Year Engagement. I actually enjoyed it.

No I haven’t gotten engaged. Remember I hate marriage. It’s just been a long 5 months. I’ve been working a lot of long days, and it’s only recently that I’ve started writing again.

I did get a puppy.  Her name is Grand Duchess Faolain VonPixelface. She’s pretty damn ugly. I’m sure by the time I’m done with this I’ll have found a picture to prove this. She’s a mini-pin / pekingese mix.

Went to PAX. Played some games. Got some crap. It was pretty damn glorious. In the same weekend we also got to go to the Guild Wars 2 release party that I won a free GW2 mouse at.

Still working. Still working too much. It’s a habit I guess.

Baked a lot of crap.

Glee started again.

Glee is on hiatus again after breaking the hearts of millions of viewers. Hence the reason for the blog. Because I have nothing better to do right now…

And to end this completely useless blog… the video I made in response to the breakup episode of Glee…

May27

Home is Where Your Random Pile of Crap Is

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Home is Where Your Random Pile of Crap Is

So it’s been a little over a month since I last posted something up here. It’s not that I’ve been avoiding typing something, really I’ve just been busy. So many things have changed I guess, but not everything. I still have the same job, but instead of being in a classroom. I’m on the phones. We’re in our own apartment now. So is my mother. One crowded household is now three though I’m pretty sure my sister is mad but oh well. Things happened so quickly that it was like one week we were in her place, the next week we were all in different apartments. My apartment is still kind of in shambles. There’s bins and piles of random crap everywhere, not enough furniture and a blow up mattress acting as a couch. Now it seems like all the money and time is going into reclaiming a life that was deserted when I hopped in a semi to drive around. It’s all come down to getting couches, picture frames, gaming systems…I didn’t even know that the Guitar Hero people went under. Sadness.

Glee had it’s season finale on Tuesday. Season 3 is probably my most favorite out of all of them and I can’t wait for it to come out on dvd as well as next season. This season finale most of the cast graduated and although the fans have been assured that all the fulltime cast members are coming back next year, it’s still unknown as to how often or how they even will come back. Well, Brittany failed and they made it seem like Santana was thinking of staying in town because of that, so although it’s bad for the character’s life and stuff, I’d be ecstatic if Santana stayed around full time for next season. Ah well time will only tell what will happen there.

I have to add that occasionally EvilGirlfriend gets some good ideas and I do have to shout out that she picked up a ROKU which is by far friggin awesome. I can watch the entire 3rd season via hulu plus. Win!

Apr18

And then they expected me to work for money….

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And then they expected me to work for money….

So I now have a job…apparently I’m not even supposed to mention what this job is so I’ll just say I work as customer support for a cell phone company. Yay! Complain to me about your bills bitches! It’s so weird to have a 40 hour a week , 8 hours a day office job again. I guess coming from driving a truck, 8 hours of work doesn’t even seem like much, and we take a break every 2 hours. It almost seems…lazy. My trainer is kinda awesome. There are really two, but only one talks. To explain her…she’s from Guam…she has a wife and a son. Her personal heroes are Gordon Ramsey and Judge Judy.  A naked chick on a dragon was the first thing that popped into her mind when talking about offensive tattoos. Total…win. We got a security talk today. They ran us through the whole procedure of emergency situations and the such and during the discussion about shut-in emergencies, like weather…airborn terrorist attacks etc etc, we were warned that while we are not prisoner and allowed to leave in these situations, in the event of a zombie apocalypse, if we leave the building, we are not allowed back in. Win. 

It’s been over a month that I’ve gotten off the truck and I suppose it’s been pretty crazy. My sister’s car broke so I’ve been chauffeuring people around for a few weeks. Now my mother moved up here and everyone’s packed into this 3 bedroom apartment that’s tinier than hell, everyone just trying to get enough money to move out. 5 adults, 2 teens, 1 toddler.

Fun yeah?

So it’s apartment hunting time again. Now that everyone is employed. I need to get out of here. Not that I don’t appreciate my sister and her extremely loud family for being awesome and helping us in our time of need, but when I have to turn the damn TV up to almost max so I can hear what’s going on in Glee, it’s not a good day. And the kids keep walking in the room without knocking.

Not only that…but Guild Wars 2 is starting open beta next week. OMG. So stoked. So yeah I forked over $165 bucks for a video game. Go fuck yourself. Some people buy stuff like furniture and food. I buy video games. Well specifically that one. I only spent $90 on TERA which comes out the first of May and I’m not sure how long I’m going to play that one. Open Beta for that starts tomorrow. I’m going to have to sneak in sometime in the early morning to remake my character which I just rolled randomly to save my name.

And Glee is back on finally. After almost 2 months of hiatus, the last 8 episodes of the season are showing. I shouldn’t be as addicted to this show as I am, but it’s good mental fluff. Anyway, that about sums up where I am now. Now for an animated gif.

 

Apr5

Martha Fucking Stewart Bitches~!

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Martha Fucking Stewart Bitches~!

So today is the 1 month point of me being off my truck.  I have been going a little insane but I’ve been being pretty productive. I got a job but that doesn’t start for another 2 weeks so instead I’ve been looking up random decoration ideas…from food to cards to random crap in general. Today and the last couple days I’ve been like Martha fucking Stewart and shit. So..here’s a few things I did…

Slices of Jello Shots… (Stolen from here)

 

Deviled Egg Chicks (Stolen from here)

       
Easter Cupcakes, Pork Laulau, Potato Stamps

  

 

Mar5

Last Day of Youth…

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Last Day of Youth…

So, today is the last day of what I consider to be young. Goodbye twenties hello thirties. It’s a little funny because I always wondered why tv shows and movies always made fun of people turning 30, as if the difference between how you feel on your birthday and the day before is supposed to be so vast. I suppose I was a little naive. I mean sure, I probably won’t feel very different tomorrow than I do today…because in my mind I guess I’m already old.

I was chatting with an old friend the other day. I say an old friend, but really she’s 6 days younger than I am. We grew apart in high school and rarely spoke in adult hood. In fact I think the last time I saw her was either my 20th or 22nd birthday. I know it wasn’t my 21st because the last thing I wanted was to drink on my 21st birthday, after we’d already been drinking for a few years. In fact I pretty much had to be dragged out by another friend to have my first legal drink which I didn’t even get carded for. I digress. We were talking about how we’ve grown apart, wanting or not wanting kids, marriage, etc etc, and I told her that no matter how distant our friendship, I can still say I’ve known her for half my life. Then of course she pointed out that if we had kids when we met, they’d be graduating high school this year. Ugh to that.

Over the last year and a half I’ve had a lot of time to think about a lot of things. From relationships, to tv shows, to just random moments in history. I am fucking old. Now, I’m not old in the sense that my mother would look at me and be like ‘if you’re old then what am I?’, but really it’s more that I’ve changed a lot. I like to think that I haven’t changed a lot since high school, but I guess I can’t keep that up. Granted, the event I’m most looking forward to in the near future is a video game convention, and my favorite tv show is about high school kids singing and dancing, I’ve totally changed.

Examples? Let’s see, as mentioned I was totally having a conversation with my friend about babies, marriage, and memories from high school. Only old people do that. Despite my brothers recent blunders trying to get tickets to Comicon, usually calls to him revolve around my sister’s kids, or recipes for pot roast and meatballs. Plans made to meet friends are plans for sushi instead of drinks at a pub. Going to a show used to mean going to see a local band that will never make it out of the state perform. Now I hear show and I think of Wicked or Mamma Mia, which I would rather see instead of beating off the hordes of crazy lesbians at an Ani Difranco show or edging around a mosh pit at a Rage  Against the Machine concert. The idea of an office job is much more appealing than being in a truck driving across the country. I would rather save my money to visit my grandmother, than plan a trip to Disneyworld. Instead of pop tarts and pepsi for breakfast, my breakfasts normally consisted of Raisin Bran Crunch, a banana, and some juice.

Despite having my intestines blow up, the 20s were pretty damn good to me. I’ll miss them just as much as I miss the 4 years I spent culminating the best friendships I can ever hope to achieve in life. Friendships that allow you to just start talking to someone after almost 10 years of not talking as if it had only been a week. So 30s, fucking bring it, because I can say that my life has been pretty good.  And…well, to shove it to the man the way that only old people can do, I’m going to have a bowl of udon and Pepsi for breakfast. Cause I’m a rebel…or as rebellious as someone who’s old and decrepit as I am can be.

Mar1

The Great American Birthday Rush of Doom

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The Great American Birthday Rush of Doom

So with one of those impending milestone birthdays approaching on the 6th of March, one has to sit around and reflect back on the life they led, the accomplishments they made, and the lives they’ve changed. Myself, I’m just sitting here wondering if it would be lame to ask Naya Rivera to wish me a happy birthday on twitter.  Hah. Actually I’m usually put off by celebrities re-tweeting people asking to be re-tweeted for charities and random occasions. Granted I’d be frigging ecstatic if out of the blue the entire cast of Glee and all of my favorite bloggers tweeted for me to have a happy birthday, I’m not going to ask them to do it. I was contemplating sending a birthday request to Nathan Fillion to take a picture of himself with twine so that for my birthday, The Bloggess would get her year-long wish granted, but I’m thinking if he did take a picture now, it would ruin the wonder that has become of his reluctance to grant the wish (see the wonder here). In reality, I’m hoping that maybe this year I’ll be too busy to even check twitter, but I doubt it.

I’ve actually been in a ball of uncertainty and dread this past week, and I still am to an extent. For the first part, I requested to have my birthday off as I did last year, but last year March 6th came around and I found myself sitting alone in my truck in a truck stop in Gary, Indiana wondering how my life had taken such a weird turn. So, a month ago I called my driver manager and told him ‘Look man, I’m going to be straight up with you. If I’m in my truck in some random truck stop again on my birthday, I’m probably going to stay up the whole night curled in a ball crying.’ And I’ll be damned if he hasn’t mentioned that at least once a week, saying he didn’t want to be responsible for me sitting on my truck crying. Two days ago, I found myself resolved to doing just that as I was on a load delivering in Connecticut (though I shit you not it was a load of live fish packed in boxes going to petsmart!), about as far away from Washington state as you can get without leaving the country.

Yesterday after delivery I found myself on a very rare load picking up in New York and delivering in Portland, Oregon on the 5th. It’s like this load, was pretty much made for me. Then I asked my driver manager why he couldn’t find me something getting to Washington…cause I’m an asshole. Then after having to park after pick up because both my trainee and myself ran out of hours to drive, I woke up to about 8 inches of snow on the ground and it still was snowing. I finally understood all those lectures in winter workshops at the main terminal about drivers making stupid decisions because they were in a hurry to get home, because sure as shit I had my student help me dig the truck out so we could get rolling. Now, in credit to myself, I did verify that the roads weren’t too messed up to drive on and I got the approval of the safety department to roll. Albany was expecting another 6-10 inches and hell if I was going to get stuck there. After 3 hours of driving slowly through slush-covered roads and a steady fall of snow, I finally emerged to somewhat dry lands around Rochester, NY. Now we have 4 more days after today to get to the other side of the country and deliver this crap. I’m just hoping that nothing else gets in my way. Like the fact that my trainee refuses to drive at night or in moderately bad weather.

Feb24

No Me Gusta! I’m pretty sure my cd-burner is a douche bag

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No Me Gusta! I’m pretty sure my cd-burner is a douche bag

So, here I am trying to burn a disc and I’m pretty sure my cd-burner is either a douche bag…or racist. I can’t figure out which. Maybe it’s jealous because everything else on the truck has a name, and it doesn’t? Maybe because it’s confused of it’s purpose. Maybe it’s because I rarely burn discs and it’s like ‘well you never pay any attention to me, why the hell should I help you?’

I’m trying to burn Glee CD’s…no I’m not burning them to sell or anything, though I always think it would be hilarious to go truck to truck seeing who would like to partake in the awesomeness that is Glee with me. You see I have this problem where I never remember to stop my iPod when I park, and I never remember to charge it, so really I need to make CDs in the event that I find myself driving down the road with nothing but the 20 songs that’s on satellite radio playing over and over again.

My drive is some stupid cd-rw/dvd-rw/bd-rom stupid piece of crap and I’m pretty sure it’s racist. I bought these Memorex Color CD-Rs and my drive burned on the red and blue just fine but as soon as I put the black disc in, it was all ‘please insert a blank disc’ and no it won’t burn anything anymore. Seriously drive don’t you realize it’s like 2012, and not like 1950? Either that, or it’s a douche bag. Seriously I just want to burn a new disc because I need to replicate the giddy joy I feel every time I hear Naya Rivera’s awesome voice changing to pick up the lines of Nicki Minaj’s Fly. Seriously.

So CD burner…I have but one thing to say you

Jan2

Welcome Aboard Kitty VonCupcake-pants

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Welcome Aboard Kitty VonCupcake-pants

So, I found this wonderfully awesome cupcake maker at Target. Now, I have been contemplating buying a cupcake maker since I first saw one about 6 months ago or so at a Big Lots. Now, the one I saw was a more sedate version and sure, who wouldn’t want a cupcake maker when you’re not allowed access to a full-ranged oven? So it was put on my list of things to buy for the truck whenever I had a few extra dollars.

Fast forward to December where I’m back in Washington shopping for Christmas presents with my sister at Target. We’re wandering down the toy aisle and low and behold, on the clearance rack I see none other than everyone’s favorite feline adorning the cover no less than the most awesome cupcake maker on the planet of the Earth. Now…I would think that the only thing greater than biting off bits of Hello Kitty’s face, would be a Cylon cupcake maker. If they make those, then I need to find one to go on my list of shit I want but will never have because it’s too expensive, much like the Cylon toaster.

So, I tried out my new non-furry furry-friend cupcake maker, and while I did have to make a few adjustments to recipes (aka more water), it’s friggin awesome. I do have to keep reminding myself that I need to leave a little room for rising or else the cupcakes end up suuuuuper dense. But now I can have awesomeness anywhere I drive, because this cupcake maker is just pure awesomeness.